Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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