like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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