Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
