So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
