I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
