I smell stomach acid.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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