At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
