My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize