i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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