If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
