do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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