I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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