I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
