I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
