Dude my mom stole all your condoms
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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