It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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