pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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