please come you make the beer taste better
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
