I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
