I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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