I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Pants are for mortals
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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