Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
