So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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