my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
