I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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