You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
