I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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