Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
