My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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