There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your penis caused this!
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