Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
