And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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