How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
