I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
