And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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