I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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