Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
