we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
