a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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