I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
