Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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