Umm I'm too high to move.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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