evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
