I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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