All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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