I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
