Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
