It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The beer is more important than you right now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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