I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
