I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
