Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
