last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
