One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
