i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
