why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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