Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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