i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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