It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
