there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
