why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
