found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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