hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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