I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
