There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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