I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
