remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
