I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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