he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
