I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
