Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
