barbara walters just said penis...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
