you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
