im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
