i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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