There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
