I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
