Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
