Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
