we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
